i think i understand what happened. i joined with the intention of starting #RightToBreakSilence. i tried and tried. i quickly realized, in utter disbelief and frustration, how difficult it was to do anything with my limited network of non-strangers. "while i'm here," i thought, "i might as well share some writing." i remembered: "i don't want to just see causes"--and i felt less idiotic. i thought further: "this profile might as well look like a real person."

the more futile my activism, the more things spiral into this huge attention grab. but, as we discovered, i've never before been so intently focused on myself; on my own physicality; on my own weakness; on my own capacities and incapacities. i'm deeply aware of how childish this is.

i'm not ashamed.