strange sightings

first, it was a former oxford employee crossing the street--someone who, just days ago, had browsed the company's careers page and saw my position up and wondered

then, it was a man i used to see ages ago on various richmond hill buses--someone whose enormous eyes always struck me as looking startled... scared... whose sad, strange features had remained with me all this time, it seems

then--dare i say it--a face from elementary school? imagined, perhaps, given the somewhat surreal context, but there was a strange familiarity in that curly blonde hair, those dimples. how heartbreaking to see him now in those old, baggy clothes.. possibly homeless.. possibly broke

i consider it a real and serious accomplishment--the fact that i didn't burst into tears at my desk after reading a lovely thank-you note for the flowers i sent to my former manager...

i could never... i could never have seen myself outside oxford. but somehow i've done it. somehow i'm here.

the last few weeks have been such a struggle, such a frenzied mix of chaos, exhaustion, heartache, and just... the superhuman effort to keep myself together for the sake of both these jobs--and, more importantly, everyone around me.

on the scale of life's hardships, it was not supposed to be a trauma.