i hadn't realized how much i'd banked on going until i was forced to confront the scale of my disappointment. activism doesn't need to happen on the ground, of course, but i feel so useless here... so removed from what matters. i have to join some groups .. or start some.. or do something more than.. this.

but none of it was surprising; i expected too much too quickly. i have no reach. i have no influence. and, as we say in russian, this is чтоб жизнь малиной не казалась. so you don't think life is sweet as raspberries.

no. that it isn't. i never thought my "raspberries" would be a trip to Hebron.