while i've experienced the ache of being an ocean apart from a loved one and shared deeply in the girls' grief of living away from a large and connected family all this time, the latter seems to be hitting me now on a very personal level.

i don't know what's different... maybe the fact that i've gotten to know one more member of my wonderful extended family; maybe the fact that your mom and i have had real conversations this year, alone, and because she seemed so much more comfortable with me; maybe the fact that they came at the same time--and the fact that the space of two is so loud in its silence..

... maybe what's different is that when maryam, in tears, asked why we constantly have to make these absurd, impossible choices, giving up our loved ones for more stable, more normal lives, i suddenly felt as if i was making that choice with her..